I was skyping with my aunt (who I fondly call my mom) and she asked me where I’m going to travel next. I told her about my plan to go to Russia, but she said not yet because she wants to travel with me. She’ll book everything when we both have the time (around next year? or next next, we’re both too busy to just drop everything for a Europe trip) but we will meet there because she’ll be coming from Beirut or wherever she will be when we push through with this trip. I got my way again, and I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to the rest of my family. I just wish they won’t misunderstand me again. My parents support me, yes but not everyone else. I know they talk behind my back, thinking I’m the favorite. Thank Dumbledore my cousins Ed and Trisha understand me, or I would have gone mental in this house.

I told her about my guilt about traveling too much, because to some people I come off as a spoiled brat who can afford anything. She told me I shouldn’t really care because people will never understand how I feel about traveling and they don’t know the lengths I went/will go to so I could see the world. This makes me miss her so much, since she only comes home every other year.

One thing bothering me is my brother, and how much I miss him. I’ve been to Singapore twice this year, but I want to go back just for him. Not even to travel or shop, just to see him. I told my aunt about this as well and she gave me the go signal to visit kuya. I don’t know though, because I want to rest from traveling for a while. Maybe a few months at most, because I need to focus on my academics since I only have 2 terms left, including the current one. I really want to be with my brother, but I guess I have to be an adult about this and wait it out. We’ll have more time to see each other when I’m not so busy anymore, but there are days where I can’t stop thinking about just grabbing my passport and using my accumulated miles. I’m afraid I might do it because I’m very impulsive when it comes to leaving. Also, my brother can’t come home. We’re only allowed to see each other in HK or Singapore. I choose SG because Hong Kong means shopping, and I don’t have money. He can’t go here to Manila because of POEA restrictions. Meh, IDK anymore.

Moving on from that, I’ve been having bad thoughts lately. I’m getting really pissed at people who try to talk smack about me and what I love to do. I’ve been dealing with people who think my traveling is unnecessary and a little bit too much. I don’t understand it though. What the fuck do you care? We all have something we’re very passionate about, and I don’t discourage anyone from doing what makes them happy. I’m incredibly happy right now, having such great company and having gotten rid of the negativity, I can say I’m pretty contented. I can’t say the same about the others though, clawing their way up my head, talking smack and ridiculing my love for adventure.  If you can’t understand it, don’t try to ruin it for the others, okay?

I’m also so tired of being portrayed as a villain. I’m not the best person in the world and I certainly do not exude kindness, but come on, I don’t have the time to be a villain to a specific person. I know there are people out there who make me out to be one to make it seem like they are victims. Of what? I don’t know either.

Only question I have: Y do people like this exist, really.



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3 responses to “Decisions/Ramblings

  1. Diane

    I always get excited everytime you blog here because most of the time, I can understand you. Also, its nice to know that you are bothered by these things when I see you as something I DONT GIVE A FUCK DOOD because I cannot understand how you can be so fucking strong. It’s nice to know how strong people can also be so fragile.

    As for travelling, I understand it a lot. Although I’ve never been out of the country, I am very quick to say yes when someone asks me to go somewhere out of the city. And right now, I’m saving all the money I can for my first out of the country trip.

    Thank you! I am one of those who have asked you something in Tumblr. =D

    Have a good day! =)

    • Hi Diane! Thanks for always reading my blog, that’s so sweet of you<3 Haha, I just don't like being portrayed as someone I'm actually not, you know? I care very much, and I think that's where I get my strength. I tend to think of others before myself, and sometimes I have to be strong for people who can't do it.

      Haha, thanks for understanding! Where are you planning to go? I would love to know all about your plans!

      Thank you for the message on tumblr! Questions about traveling always make my day:)

      You have a good one as well, darling!<3

  2. You’re lucky you get to travel so much, Ysa 🙂 Never let those negative people bring you down. It’s not fair of them to keep you from pursuing your passion and to hinder you in that way. And you ARE a sweet girl, you’re just a strong one too. Maybe the people who make you out to be a villain misunderstand that. Which is just plain sad on their part 😦

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