19 or 55?

I have always been told by everyone that I do not act my age. I never understood why it was a bad thing, because I like to think that I live my life to the utmost of my capabilities.

The dilly-dallying and all the drama should have been done ages ago. It should have been left in high school. I have no time for it. I just hate it when people spend so much time on petty things thinking that it would matter in the end. For those who do this, I have a few words for you: It will never matter. You will think about it for sometime and in the end you’ll say “Fuck it, that wasn’t  worth it. Should have done other important things instead of wallowing in a hole of despair that I dug up for myself.”

How did I get here? Well, I was reading A Visit from the Goon Squad a few days ago and realized that the book was not for me. I was the complete opposite of every character. They live in regret, not taking careful steps. You might say I don’t live an adventurous life, but I do. I just make sure that I don’t fuck things up with stupid decisions that I won’t learn from. You have to understand that there are stupid decisions which you can learn from and stupid decisions that just ruin you forever.

A lot of my friends have started realizing that time is a goon. Hello, time has always been a goon. That’s why I don’t consider petty things to be trivial. It just surprised me that they needed this book to tell them what has always been out there.

I’m 19, but I have lived my life to the point wherein I can be 55 and people will believe me because of what I have been through. I have made stupid decisions, but I have learned from each and every one of them. They made me tough. Some say they made me heartless, but I would like to point out that my heart is locked away in a safe, only to be opened by the most worthy.

Don’t jump to conclusions. The only person that can open that safe is me. I am the only one worthy enough to handle my heart.

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